Five years ago while visiting my sister one month after just being widowed, I made a decision: I decided I was going to stop the pity party and get back on track with my life.
Losing a spouse so young was difficult and I knew I had to shake off the fog of sorrow I was buried in. Everyone experiences grief differently, however a loss is a loss and a broken heart hurts no matter how strong you are.
Having family and friends to support you is important when going through a loss. My sister had lost her marriage of 30 years, but re-married again and understood to some degree my pain. Losing a loved one who dies is much different than a divorce, but a loss is a loss. I asked my sister for advice and she was amazing: both my sisters have been.
I know many reading my blog may be going through different stages of loss and grief right now and struggling. I chose to live in the present, rather than in the past, however I didn’t arrive in the present right away. It may take time to figure out what you need to do also.
I am much wiser, stronger and much more confident as a woman because I was prepared for that horrible day when I learned my husband was going to die soon. I believe a few key things I was doing at the time prepared me for my huge loss. My finances were in place, (both of us shared family budgeting), we had Wills and I had family that loved me unconditionally. I was a “together girl” from my youth and I knew I would adjust eventually: I just never thought I would be in a another loving relationship six months later!
I needed to grieve and I did for awhile then found myself thinking about love again. I wanted a friend, a male friend because I was lonely and alone. I wasn’t actively looking for a mate, rather I was projecting a feeling of confidence that I was getting my life back, and as a result I attracted another widower into my life. Some say that is way to soon, while others say “good on you!” Peter became my friend first because he understood my pain and that friendship grew into love. He wasn’t expecting what happened next to him also, but we have accepted our fate.
It is so difficult to be all alone after you are widowed. Your friends stop inviting you to dinner parties because they are just not sure how to act or react to you at that time. You are not part of a couple anymore and it hurts and is hard to adjust to. Finding love again came unexpected, especially because I was so in love for 34 years with my late husband, I still am.
There is so much loss that people don’t realize, not just the loss of your loved one. The loss of lifestyle, friendships and in my case also my home. I’ve moved 12 times since 2012: another story for another day. I do have a wonderful, happy ending which I’ve shared in my book called “Love Found Me Twice.” You can read the first 50 pages for free if you go to www.changinglives.solutions
“Love Never Dies”, a phrase coined by Blair Robertson, psychic, medium I met several years ago. When you experience the loss of a loved one, do what ever you have to find peace with that loss, do not judge yourself or let others judge you for you are not really aware that some of the decisions that you are making may not be at the right time. I was once given the advice not to buy a new home within the first year of being widowed, or change your lifestyle right away. I would agree, that is good advice. Did I follow it? No, and I have no regrets because of where I am today. If someone hasn’t walked in your shoes, then how could they possibly know how you feel or think. Just do your best and that is all that you can ask of yourself going through a difficult time.
Begin and end your day with an attitude of gratitude and better days will be ahead ~ I know they will.